my friend richie was really angry one time and he picked up a rock and threw it angrily at the ground but it actually didnt touch the ground it went straight into a gutter so he literally threw a rock at the ground and missed
my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you
mermaids don’t have thigh gaps but they can still lure men to their deaths
dash is named dash because he runs really fast
violet is named violet because ultraviolet rays are invisible to the human eye
so what’s jack jack’s name got to do with his power
jack of all trades because he has so many powers
got no problem with watching a full season of tv in one sitting but when it comes time to pick a movie im like “am i really ready to pay attention to something for two hours”
Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most of north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar
This is one of the most inspiring posts i’ve ever seen
do not fall in love with people like me.
i will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. i will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. and when i leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.
Calm down John Green
'do not fall in love with people like me'
don’t worry i won’t
In France, they say “mdr” instead of “lol” and that roughly translates to “death by laughter” so basically instead of laughing really loudly like we do, the French laugh so hard that they die.
French slang is freaking metal.
DEATH BY OHONHONHON
how to be a lil bitch:
- look like u
- act like u
- smell like u
- dance like u
- talk like u